February 2012
136 posts
I’m going to make myself a mixed cd and write in bold, black permanent marker on top ‘men suck so be happy’.
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I’ve just realized that I experienced one of those potentially life-changing situations over the weekend. As I sat in my friends car, feeling the sexual tension build up, and knowing that if either of us were to make a move, it would lead to sex, I knew that this would be my first time actually having sex, that it would be in his dad’s truck with someone I wasn’t even in a...
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I think falling out of love is not even knowing it as you stop loving them. It’s waking up one morning and realizing that they are not the first thing you think about. It’s seeing them, and suddenly not feeling your heart speed up like a thousand sexed up bunny rabbits getting it on in your chest cavity. It’s a painful process, and by the time it’s over, you can’t...
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“There is no real difference between scared and excited. Think roller coaster....”
– Pete Hautman
Just let me sing you to sleep: As teenagers, our... →
saturnsstar:
As teenagers, our priorities have shifted over the last couple years, instead of valuing knowledge and fostering our creativity, we’ve learned to think that school is a waste. We’ve begun to think that material possessions are more important than relationships, we’ve given up on reading books and…
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“In just one year, the expenditure of the U.S.’s military budget is equivalent to...”
– Neil deGrasse Tyson (via anticapitalist)
Too exhausted. Going to sleep.
Goodnight beautiful people.
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owchaarleey:
It aint easy being white IT AINT EASY BEING BROWN!
I mean either way you’re fricking delicious with soy sauce and a little bit of eggs. Duh Imma eat you.
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There is silence in your ash tray, but I know that your fingers will always speak in shades of yellow calluses, no longer daintily twirling a cigarette between them. You will always remember twirling that first cigarette. That first cigarette. You never stopped smoking it.
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An Email from Our CAS Coordinator
“I have changed the CAS due date for third 9 weeks from 3/27 to 3/28 to avoid conflicts with assignments already on the IB assignment calendar for March.”
Oooooh. One day. That makes such a huge difference considering everything that’s already due that month.
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There’s that moment, when you and another person are completely alone from the rest of the world, severed from the world by physical or mental barriers. What starts as idle conversation flows in to free-form rampages and innocently mentioned annoyances. This is the last thing you’re thinking of. Instead, your focus is not so much on his words, but his lips. Not on his hands, but what...
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I have deactivated my facebook, deleted numbers from my phone, and I’m really in the mood for some cereal.
I talk far too much and say far too little, but I have a friend and he knows how to pick out the truth in what I mean, or at least let me go on long enough to figure it out for myself, no matter how many times I repeat myself or revisit an old subject.
Time to cry a bit, take a shower, and attempt to salvage the rest of my Saturday as though nothing is wrong.
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I had the most amazing dream last night.
We, and by we I’m not entirely sure, but a very definitive we were on a huge space shuttle that was supposed to be some sort of living experiment / housing arrangement, a pioneer voyage. And all was going well, until it turned out that somebody had sabotaged the shuttle, set our coordinates directly for the sun and then destroyed our engines once we got too close to escape. Well, the...
What started out as a trip to the kitchen quickly turned in to a trip down memory lane which led to a small alleyway that brought me back to him, so I wrote a letter to let him know, though if I’ll ever really let him know is somewhat debatable. It’s out of my system for now, and for now a secret between me and the paper.
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Thoughts of the Hour
Being a lesbian would make everything easier. I joke around and flirt so much that other girls already hit on me, and I feel like being with a girl might actually be easier than being with a guy. Let me be ignorant in my heterosexuality.
I really, really want to get out of my own head right now. Weed or maybe something else. There’s a line from a poem by Lacey Roop stuck in my head right...
I wish people would stop looking out for me so much. Sounding ungrateful I know, but this is too much.
I don’t know why, but right now I really just want to smoke a blunt and be held by someone I really care about. These mindless flirtations just aren’t cutting it.
And I can’t help but realize, that he would fall somewhere in between both.
I’m just another girl to you, childish and adorable but no one you would ever form an intense, romantic connection to. It’s okay. I’ll survive.
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There’s this weird fantasy I have, not like of the sexual variety, but when I’m older, maybe post college and in a serious relationship with someone. I can just always see us at the store getting groceries and then I just have to go to one of the 50 cent toy dispensers to get something. A fake, plastic ring pops out, which I then use to propose to my boyfriend.
I just think it would...
I caught the bus of my thoughts and for some reason the driver doesn’t feel like letting me off tonight. I’ll shut down my laptop and stare at the ceiling until I eventually pass out.
I love my friends who will just appreciate a male’s appearance with me, like no complaining about how awkward it is. They just get it.
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“Give me a sign. I wanna believe.”
– Panic! at the Disco
I’ve stopped checking our horoscopes, blaming our failure as it was written in the stars. I thought to defy fate, or perhaps this twist we formed was all part of the plan of the universe. Don’t ask questions, honey, though if you used to, I’ll never know because our distance was that of stars, dimly waving to each other, as we were snuffed out, one by one, babies really, with...
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Dear you,
The only things that seem left floating in this vacuum between us are these bitchy, underhanded comments, not even made of enough particles to obscure your face. I can’t ignore you. I can’t have you. I’m resisting the urge to call you and scream in to the phone. I guess you didn’t notice me alternating between ignoring you and staring at your ass all day. It was...
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Dreaming
Open relationship. College dorms. Disapproval. Sex on the beach. His smile. Lupe. Dressing rooms. Plans for the future. In-state. Driving to see him. Food. The mall. Walks through the forest with someone other than my lover.
Bed? This early? Yes.
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Goal: Lose ten pounds by the summer, get tattoo.
Lezgo!
NOTICE: HEART FOR SALE
A list of qualities:
Falls in like with far too many people
Doesn’t know whether or not to believe in love
Still beating, and very alive
Compartment walls could use a little work, things are starting to overlap
Very ready to accept as much as you can give
Enjoys the sound of plucking at heartstrings
A little bit bruised, but those’ll heal
Fuck Males
That’s not enough any more. You’re not enough any more, and even though I’ve been trying to avoid this for months now, I give up. I can’t take the games and going back and forth and that nagging doubt at the back of my mind, what if questions and feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m moving on. I’m getting over it, and maybe one day you’ll realize...
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Out of the dozens of college and university letters I’ve received this year, the only one that has all three college majors I’m interested in (art history, photography, and creative writing) is the University of Miami.
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You could spend your entire life watching her, and not get any closer to understanding why she does what she does.
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Me trying to practice meditative breathing
Turn off laptop
Turn off lights
Close eyes and begin breathing
Realize how loud the parents’ tv is in the next room
Fuck this shit.
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Doing breathing exercises and then sleep, then I’ll have crossed off everything from my to do list except cleaning my room and practicing crosses for soccer (because it’s been raining/hailing all day)
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You want to scream at the top of your lungs, jump around, shake people until they wake up and just yell “LOOK AT ME!”. But all that comes out is a tiny whisper, lost in the hustle and bustle of other people living, “I’m scared.” Don’t worry. You’re not alone.